Professor Quotes

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment

I kept track of funny things my professors would say all throughout college but never shared. Unfortunately the various locations at which I kept them have been lost to time. The most recent list I could find was from 9/5/2002 from an archive of an old website I used to maintain (http://randy.instantws.com). The wayback machine has some very interesting stuff if you’re interested…

DISCLAIMER: Nothing has been added or made up. Names have not been changed. Screw the innocent.

Don’t Be A Twit (to Alonso)
~Beltz

When we make our groups, I want to try mix the dumb people with the smart people.
~Dr. Vegso

I guess size does matter…<looks down>…in more ways than one.
~Szewczak

i dont know how you can have a fraudulant noble trade
~Lutz

you don’t have to tell me the president of the company is higher than the bathroom attendant of the company. I know that.
~d.s. hart

now lets say we have a force tugging on a spring. ok that force is you. Well just say the whole force is F you.
~Anderson

Professor Lutz… what diet program are you on?
~Vallino

Practice safe Construction
~Lutz

Don’t pervert when you convert
~Czernikowski

Czernikowski: what’s your name sir?
Student: John
Czernikowski: Siker??????
Student: John!

I call it my tickle file…
~Rechylmier

You can’t go from 0-60 in 3 days
~Poularious

Dr Heliotis has provided a peta file for you to use…
what?… ok, this peta file… oh geez…
~Adams

I have 2P in two places.
~Poularious

Let me just give you a quickie here…
~Reek

Friends let each other touch their private parts
~Adams

Its a little early for beer…Down it quickly!
~Poularious

Don’t goto Dicks.com. Its not the clothing store!
~Reek

I am not paranoid its just that all these people are against me!
~Poularious

Let me go psychedelic here
~Poularious

Does anyone have Redi-Whip in a can? For those romantic moments?
~Richmond

I remember my college days, fondling…
~Richmond

you can go to other countries where the penetration is less
~Adams

I FULLY expect problems
~Kern

I Don’t know how to teach this class
~Etlinger

You only get a few words, like… you know… whatever they said in telegrams.
~Gregorio

Dear London and Denver,

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment

Thanks for the birthday card

But I’m a little confused as to how you were able to fill in your paw prints and get it in the mail without the card getting shredded.  Maybe now you won’t shred MY mail?  Wishful thinking I suppose.

You must have had help, I just wish I could say thanks to whoever it was.

We've come a long way (Photographically)

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment


View from a window at Le Gras – 1826

We’ve come a long way in the world of photography. The photo above is the first known permanent photograph.

The photo was captured by a camera obscura focused onto a sheet of 20 × 25 cm oil-treated bitumen. Due to the 8-hour exposure, the buildings are illuminated by the sun from both right and left.

An 8-hour exposure! Now we take photos with an exposure time of under 1/60th of a second or faster and we can see the results immediately.

My friend Ryan shared an excellent website about photos that changed the world.  I’d say the first ever permanent photograph qualifies.

The Microsoft Commercials

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment

Microsoft has been getting a lot of crap for their new Ad campaign with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates.  At first it seemed like they were really going nowhere and they were commercials about nothing like the show about nothing.  What’s funny is, their campaign is working.  It’s drawing attention and everyone is talking about it even though everyone seemed to hate it.

There is no such thing as bad publicity.

The Windows Vista Blog posted a message a few days ago to let everyone know that the new ads without Jerry are not a vote of no confidence, they’ve been a part of the plan all along.

After Microsoft’s announcement I felt I needed to see for myself.  They’re on the ball with this one, they’re showing how they connect millions billions of different people world wide.  I think the campaign will only get better, and it should since they’ve spent millions on redefining their image.

See for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/p/577F6F15E7467A7C

Wegmans Henrietta

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment

Wegmans just opened a new store in Henrietta NY replacing one of their oldest remaining stores.  My Mother-in-Law Karen is the Floral manager and has worked at the Henrietta store for over 30 years. naturally the local news wanted to know what she had to say about the new store.

For those of you who don’t know what wegmans is it’s a grocery store.  It’s a grocery store that people will drive hours to get to.  It’s a grocery store that’s privately owned.  It’s a grocery store that college kids hang out in at 4am.  It’s a grocery store that’s a small European market in one building.  I could go on, because I have worked there just like most Rochestarians.  In fact I met my wife there.  It’s a community staple.

So you can see that it actually is a big deal when they open a new store in the area and close an old one.

RIP Store #21.

A Wedding and a Party

~ randyaa ~ 3 Comments

My best friend Anthony’s wedding was this weekend and I had the honor of being best man.  One of the biggest (or at least the most stressful) responsibilities of the best man is the toast.  I’ve never had to speak in front of that many people before but I think it went over relatively well.

My Speech:

Ladies and gentlemen, if there’s anybody here this afternoon who’s feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it’s probably because you just got married to Anthony Ventura.

When I sat down to write this thing I had no clue where to start.

Some people tell jokes, but I’m not that funny.
Some people write a poem, but I can’t rhyme.
Some people give advice, but I’ve only been married a year so the only advice I have is to shut up and let her do the talking.

Since I can’t do any of those the best thing I came up with is to tell everyone how I got to know the lovely new Mr & Mrs Ventura.  The only problem is, I’ve known Anthony for so damn long I have no idea how we met.  What I can tell you is a few things that he’s taught me over the years.

I’ve learned that the Ventura’s really know how to raise a son, but I have no idea how they deal with both of them. (Harriet you’re a saint)
I’ve learned that Rollerblading down giant hills can lead to war scars the size of your fist.
I’ve learned that Mascara really does look horrible on a guy (Ask me later, I have pictures).
I’ve learned that transformers and Lego’s are fun to play with at any age, wait no not really.
I’ve learned how good friends stand the test of time.
And I’ve learned that a list like this can go on for days so we’ll just stop here.

The really awesome part of having a friend like Anthony is that every time we see each other, even if its after months or years apart, it’s back to the same old shenanigans, drinking past 2am and befriending trashcans (or toilets).  He’s always only a phone call away any time you need to patch a hole in a wall or get away from your pets for 2 weeks.

I remember the first time I met Meg. It was Anthony’s birthday and he wanted me to come out to MacGregors to meet this stunning girl he had been seeing.  A few Irish Car Bombs later and there we were, 2 country boys and a beautiful blond stuck in front of Deer Hunter the video game.  When Meg proved she had what it takes to kill more Bambies than us I told him:

“Any woman that can shoot a toy gun like that is worth keeping!”

I was right because he’s definitely getting the better end of the deal.  Anthony, you are a lucky groom – you’ve married Meg, who’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and she deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one.

I’ve been told that Meg is good at a lot of things but directions are not one of them.  I don’t know how she found her way to their first date, but I’m pretty sure one of the biggest reasons she keeps him around is because she can’t read a map.  Anthony, whatever you do, don’t buy her a GPS device because she might not need you anymore.

I lied, I do have one small piece of advice. If I have learned anything during the past year it’s this. Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

From the moment I saw them together I could tell that they’re very much in love and would bring each other happiness for years to come.  It was truly an honor for me to be a part of their day.  I would like to propose a toast to the happy couple, wishing them years upon years of blissful happiness. 

To Anthony and Meg…

May your love grow ever stronger as you share your lives together, and may your future be  more wonderful than you dreamed possible.

Surprise!

~ randyaa ~ 1 Comment

My father-in-law George just turned 50 on sunday (August 3rd).  It’s kind of a big deal.  To celebrate the occasion my mother-in-law and the rest of the family had been planning a surprise birthday party for months.  To add to the fun George Jr flew in, unknown to George Sr, from Portland Oregon and stepped out from behind everyone just as dad thought he’d said hello to everyone.  You can just see the rush of emotion in his face as the realization hits him that his son is here.

100_2820

As plans do, everything to keep George out of the house fell through so Rachel and I made a last minute ditch effort to fix it.  We managed to get him out of the house for a few hours by bribing him with lunch and a movie (Dark Knight).