funny

Space Monkey News

~ randyaa ~ 1 Comment

Ricky Gervais was on The Daily Show Monday night and they showed a short clip from the new HBO show ‘The Ricky Gervais Show.’  It looked hilarious so I took a look around the net and was able to find some of the videos.  The Space Monkey Monkey News video was particularly hilarious.

Rachel and I haven’t laughed this hard in years.  Seriously, there were tears… Watch it!

It may be a little hard to follow unless you’re already familiar with Karl Pilkington or at least know he’s really this dumb.  Then again we didn’t know anything about him until we saw some of the Ricky Gervais videos so you’ll probably do just fine too.

Ninja Cat

~ randyaa ~ 1 Comment

I try to stay away from posting other’s videos anymore but I just couldn’t in this case.  Rachel and I laughed so hard at this video we cried.  Even if you’ve seen the original, with sound it’s much better.

Friend Quotes

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment

Continuing with the quote theme, the following is a list of quotes from my friends, last updated in 2002.  Some are funny, some are just weird.  Sorry.

DISCLAIMER: Nothing has been added or made up. Names have not been changed. Screw the innocent.

Eating a Wegmans Cream filled donut is like an orgasm in your mouth.
~Brian

Randy: but I think I’m actually going to make money on the deal 🙂
Anthony: lol
Randy: they already gave me $270
Anthony: With you involved I’d be disappointed if you didn’t

The thing that drives us in life is coincidentally.. death. Without mortality, humanity would never strive to make things better for ourselves and more importantly for our children
~Brian

Partying without you 2 (Randy & Brian) is like sex without the ass slapping
~Tim

Jen from store 82: not that I have even come close to proving my thesis
Jen from store 82: because I don’t even understand my thesis

Randy: Yeah they’re gonna know we had a women navigator cause we’re late.
Anthony: Yeah but they’ll know she wasn’t in the drivers seat cause we actually got here.

If she and I were the last two members of the human race, stranded on an island; I’d rather **** in the ocean and hope to inseminate a fish than **** her.
~Jeff

my balls are like dynamite, wanna bang
~Jeff

Be careful in the winter this summer
~Rachel

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. my teammate wrote a class, I wrote a class.
they interacted but they didn’t. I adapted and he didn’t. I was right, he was wrong. I won he lost.
~Random CS student

freeman is becoming a non-exister. I say let it fly. it can’t hurt us, only him.
~Matteo

if somebody washes that kid before the next class I’ll give him a cookie….
~Lars

Brian: btw Zack is gay

Don’t criticize someone until You’ve walked a mile in their shoes, that way, when u criticize them you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes!

There are 10 types of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who do not.
~Tim

Randy: hey
Auto response from Anthony: off takin pic’s of my cocker 😛

There is a priest, a rabbi, and a golf pro and they all come up to this lake. Priest goes, “Bless this lake”, Rabbi goes Mimpf Minshkoosh Mincki which means, “Bless this lake”. The golf pro walks up and goes, “Wheres my ball”. And the lesson of this story, “The Devil took the ball and the lake”. No really…there is still no point to this “joke”
~Rob

Patience is:
-letting that driver in front of you go slow without pulling up to the side of him and swearing at him (actually…its usually a her).
-learning to slow it down once in a while in this fast paced society.
-just waiting for her to happen.
-expecting to be disappointed and growing on it.
-realizing how short life is and accepting what you are doing with life.
-finding a target “her” and realizing its still out of reach.
-hearing someone out before you panic
-taking a chance
-is life
-is reading this whole thing and adding your own instance of choice.
~Rob

Fighting for Peace is like Screwing for Virginity
~Anthony

Sometimes I wish I was you…
So I could have sex with me
~Lindsay – AIM Profile

Elena: poor canada
Randy: truer words have never been spoken

Randy: dork
Auto response from Corey: Randy is a dork!
Randy: hey thats not cool I didnt even talk to you yet
Auto response from Corey: yes randy is still a dork

but you were all about boobs your senior yeat
~Randy

Yeah…perhaps…I don’t think so… I don’t know.
~Randy

Matteo: did you hear about the new S-Box??? It’s great. Even better than the real thing. Yep. Microsoft teamed up with Satan to create a hybrid video game system that will make you scream. The X-box hasn’t been doing good and a new IMPROVED game system should change that statisic. I just saw a commerical yesterday for it and it was so funny. Satan was marketing it and had a little boy playing with a few of the games. Here’s a few that I can remember. Satan vs. Jesus, Hitlers final solution, Angel wars, and my favorite Terrorist Air 666!!! All great titles that will make this the greatest game experience you’ll ever see. Konard from Gamestop gave it 8 fingers up!!! He is preordering 3 of them. Stocking stuffers I guess. Well, thats about all. It’s going to be HOT!!!

My chaps are lipped.
~Rachel

make sure the munchkins put some rocks in their pockets tomorrow,
we don’t want them blowing away
~Liz

a true wise man does not play leap frog with a unicorn.
~Brian

Randy: dork
Mary Beth: am i giving you a huge…….?!
Randy: ?
Mary Beth: lolllllllll
Mary Beth: wrong screen!!!!!!

Randy: so what the hell do you want anyway?
Liz: I want you to lick Brian’s foot
Liz: that what I want

A Whole lot of nothin….
~Rachel

SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
Randy Aldrich: your face
SmarterChild: Yeah? I think you’re the one with the funny face.

So it’s easy to understand and it’s understandable.
~Kristy

Professor Quotes

~ randyaa ~ Leave a comment

I kept track of funny things my professors would say all throughout college but never shared. Unfortunately the various locations at which I kept them have been lost to time. The most recent list I could find was from 9/5/2002 from an archive of an old website I used to maintain (http://randy.instantws.com). The wayback machine has some very interesting stuff if you’re interested…

DISCLAIMER: Nothing has been added or made up. Names have not been changed. Screw the innocent.

Don’t Be A Twit (to Alonso)
~Beltz

When we make our groups, I want to try mix the dumb people with the smart people.
~Dr. Vegso

I guess size does matter…<looks down>…in more ways than one.
~Szewczak

i dont know how you can have a fraudulant noble trade
~Lutz

you don’t have to tell me the president of the company is higher than the bathroom attendant of the company. I know that.
~d.s. hart

now lets say we have a force tugging on a spring. ok that force is you. Well just say the whole force is F you.
~Anderson

Professor Lutz… what diet program are you on?
~Vallino

Practice safe Construction
~Lutz

Don’t pervert when you convert
~Czernikowski

Czernikowski: what’s your name sir?
Student: John
Czernikowski: Siker??????
Student: John!

I call it my tickle file…
~Rechylmier

You can’t go from 0-60 in 3 days
~Poularious

Dr Heliotis has provided a peta file for you to use…
what?… ok, this peta file… oh geez…
~Adams

I have 2P in two places.
~Poularious

Let me just give you a quickie here…
~Reek

Friends let each other touch their private parts
~Adams

Its a little early for beer…Down it quickly!
~Poularious

Don’t goto Dicks.com. Its not the clothing store!
~Reek

I am not paranoid its just that all these people are against me!
~Poularious

Let me go psychedelic here
~Poularious

Does anyone have Redi-Whip in a can? For those romantic moments?
~Richmond

I remember my college days, fondling…
~Richmond

you can go to other countries where the penetration is less
~Adams

I FULLY expect problems
~Kern

I Don’t know how to teach this class
~Etlinger

You only get a few words, like… you know… whatever they said in telegrams.
~Gregorio